


I felt so hopeless when I thought I lost you

by haiiro51



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Jackson's just silly, M/M, Romantic Soulmates, Smut, but not really angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 21:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8595010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haiiro51/pseuds/haiiro51
Summary: Jackson was curious who his soulmate was when he was younger, but as he grew older he grew less interested, until something unexpected happened, making Jackson change his mind on the whole soulmate ordeal.





	

When Jackson was little, his mother informed him of the term _soulmate_ , Jackson was however too young to fully grasp it so it ended up as a staring session between him and his mother. What is a soulmate was the first question Jackson asked his smiling mother, she didn't really know how to fully explain it, it was something you feel not something you can put into words. They will be your best friend, someone you love and your family she replied after a few minutes, but that reply didn't sit well with the little boy, "Are you my soulmate?" he asked, he loved his mother, she was his best friend and they were family. That question just made his mother give away a small chuckle; she hugged him and reassured him he'll know when he's found his soulmate. 

After a few years have passed, Jackson was now in middle school, and he wondered about the term soulmate once more. He asked his mother to explain it in greater detail this time, he was older, he could understand now. So, she did. She told him, when he finds his soulmate, he'll feel a strong pain in his chest, and that person will feel it too, that's how you know, that's how you both know she said. But, it starts hurting when you're close, not next to each other, so it is more than possible to miss your soulmate the first time you feel the strong pain, Jackson's mother and father felt it twelve times before they found each other, that number wasn't high, they knew people who felt it twenty or even thirty times before finding _the one_. 

~

Jackson was now in high school, and he was in the period where he thought he didn't want to meet his soulmate. The idea of **having** to be with someone didn't quite fit with him, what if he didn't like his soulmate, what if he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with them, what if he fell in love with someone who wasn't meant to be with him? Or even worse, what if his soulmate was a horrible person and he was forced to be with them?  
He just wished he had the right to pick; he wanted to fall in love because it was his choice, not because he had to. 

~

At the end of his high school life, he was accepted into JYP. He was going to become an idol, which meant moving from his home to Korea. At this point, Jackson forgot about his soulmate, he forgot about being forced into falling in love, he was just happy his dream was coming true.  
The last few weeks of his regular life flew by. He barely had time to say goodbye to all of his friends and family. He was sad he was leaving his parents, but he did promise to visit them as often as possible, and he wasn't planning on breaking that promise which made him feel a bit better about leaving. He could still chat with them, and his friends. None of them showed Jackson that they were sad about him going away, probably so he wouldn't change his mind, they all knew this was a dream come true for Jackson. And that he still had a far journey to achieve it. 

~

When he came to Korea, he was put into a dorm with other JYP trainees, for Jackson that meant he wouldn't be all alone in a place too far from home, it made him extremely happy to know he'll be sharing his journey with other people that also shared his dream. It was a long flight over, so Jackson was beat, he immediately went to bed, without going to meet the other trainees, without going to the company, he just dismissed it and said he could do it tomorrow, they would surely understand. Jackson thought he'd get a good night rest, so he wouldn't be grumpy tomorrow morning, he didn't want to leave a bad first impression. However, he was awoken by strong pain in his chest. He didn't realize it was because his soulmate was somewhere nearby, he just thought it was because he was missing home already, he really didn't know how he'd manage, but he had to. The last thing on Jackson's mind at the time was that his soulmate was just a few beds away.  
He barely heard the door opening and someone running outside in his sleep.

~

When he woke up, Jackson was greeted by all of the trainees; he didn't understand Korean and they barely knew English so it was hard to communicate but Jackson was happy nonetheless. The staff informed him he should go to the company, to greet all the other artists, trainees and staff. Jackson was making his way there when he felt the strong pain in his chest again. This time, it was much stronger then the night before, it was so strong Jackson realized what it was. His mother once told him, that when you soulmate is no longer with you, when they die, you feel a very strong pain, so strong you can't even walk or breath, and that's how Jackson felt at the time; he didn’t even stop to think about how his sense of pain is a little bad, and how everything hurts him ten times more than normal. He just turned around and ran back to the dorms, tears escaping his eyes, at the moment a brown haired boy ran out of the company gripping his chest, looking around, however Jackson failed to notice him, and the boy failed to notice Jackson. 

~

Jackson arrived at the dorm, it was empty, everyone else had already left to school or morning training. The last thing Jackson wanted at the moment was to be alone, but then again he was happy to be alone too, he didn't want anyone asking what was wrong, he didn't want to explain why he's crying over someone he hadn't yet met, he didn't want to explain why he felt so empty and lost because he didn't understand it either. He always thought he'd be fine even if he never met his soulmate, he thought he'd be fine if he never felt the pain, but here he is crying, gripping his chest and wishing he could take all those thoughts back. He didn't even meet them, but he still felt so empty without them now, now that he thought he'll never even have a chance to meet them he felt like his whole world had just crumbled. So, he decided to just lay in bed and cry it out, scream it out since no one was there to hear him anyway. Now Jackson understood why everyone was so eager to meet their soulmate, because the pain of not meeting them was too great.

~

It was already dark outside, and Jackson still couldn't stop the tears from falling, he still couldn't engulf his small screams of anger, sadness and hurt. He was angry at himself, angry that he ever thought his soulmate could be anything but the person he wanted to be with forever, angry that he didn't want to meet them, angry that he realized that he's loved them since he was born, not because he had to but because it was right, because they were made for each other, angry that he realized all that too late..

Jackson felt the strong pain in his chest once again at midnight; he wasn't awoken by it since he hadn't even fallen asleep. He was wondering why the pain was still haunting him, wondering if it will ever go away, but then, he thought to himself, he didn't want it to since it was the last thing that was left of his soulmate. He thought it was sad to be happy to still be experiencing the pain; he thought it was sad that he was happy he had something even if it hurt like a hundred bullets fired at him. When the pain kept getting stronger and stronger, Jackson couldn't hold it in anymore, so as the brown haired boy from earlier was entering the dorm, Jackson screamed in pain griping his chest with a small smile and tears on his cheeks. Jackson then heard running and the door was suddenly busted open and someone screamed _is it you_ in a panicked voice, and suddenly the pain in Jackson's chest was gone, all his mind was full of was _damn, he's beautiful_ as he stared at the boy at the doorway. Everyone was woken up by the two of them, they were all looking at them, which made Jackson's cheeks flush, the brown boy grabbed his hand and pulled him out of bed, then out of the room, then he found himself in the bathroom, looking straight into the other boys eyes. 

~

The bathroom was filled with an awkward silence, neither of them said anything, they just kept staring at each other, Jackson felt incredibly shy when he remembered the event that just happened, so he quickly avoided the brown haired boys gaze.

"I'm Mark, I know this is sudden, I hadn't really thought about what I'd say-" the boy went silent again as Jackson looked up at him, but then after a short moment he continued "I just pulled you here on a whim, I didn't want everyone listening to what we're talking about, um... oh, yeah, what’s your name? I probably should've asked that first, ha?" he said as an awkward and nervous smile crept on his lips.  
"I'm Jackson" , was all he could mutter out, nervous, not really understanding the situation, what was going on here he thought to himself along with many curse words to himself for being so damn awkward all the time  
"Ah, um, have you... have you been feeling pain in your chest?"  
Jackson's eyes widened at the question, he remembered his soulmate, that they were dead, and that he was here, possibly flirting with someone in the bathroom less than 24 hours after he found out that his soulmate was dead. He was the worst he thought to himself. He just fell on the floor and started crying while nodding. 

At this point, Mark was the one who was confused, he had imagined meeting his soulmate a million times, but he never would have thought they'd be sobbing in front of him, was he that horrible? Did his soulmate hate him so much before even meeting him that he was crying? Sure, he imagined his soulmate crying, from happiness  
not sobbing from sadness, he imagined a cute flush on their cheeks while small tears escaped their eyes, and a grin forming at their lips and them jumping to embrace him. He didn't really know what to do in this situation though, it wasn't supposed to be like this. So, he just bent before Jackson and nervously said "Em, why are you crying, I'm confused.."  
"My soulmate is already dead, and I haven't even met them, I know it's lame to be crying over someone you don't even know, but I can't help it whenever I think about never being able to meet them it hurts so much, and to make matters worse, t-the first thought I had about you was that you're beautiful, and I felt my heart skip a beat when you took my hand-" he couldn't continue since he felt a lump in his throat that just wouldn't go down, but he felt like he had to say everything so the last words were in a low whisper "-I'm the worst". But then he felt Marks arms around him, his eyes widened in pure confusion, he tried to push him away, he felt even more guilty like this, but the older boy didn't even flinch. After a few silent moments in the awkward one-sided hug, Mark decide to speak.

"Your soulmate isn't dead, you misunderstood the pain you felt, it was because I was close, not gone, silly."  
Jackson just shook his head vigorously and screamed out "You're lying, that's not true, you're lying!"  
But the other buy just hugged him tighter and whispered "How do you feel when I hold you like this? Do you feel any pain?"  
Jackson went silent then he shook his head and started crying even harder "I feel happy, why is that?"  
"Because I'm your soulmate, I'm right here, so stop crying, I never imagined my soulmate to write me off as dead the first time I meet them" he said with a chuckle, kissing Jackson's cheek and wiping his tears away. Jackson just stared at him for a few moments in disbelief, but when Mark gave him a smile and opened his arms for a hug, Jackson leaped towards him, pushing him on the floor, hugging him tightly, as if he never wanted to let go, because he didn't.

The following hour was spent with Mark on the floor as Jackson lay on top of him, Jackson was still crying, this time due to happiness while Mark stroked his back trying to calm him down, he'd occasionally add "Everything's okay, I'm here, let it all out". When Jackson finally managed to pull himself together, he looked up at Mark, who had a satisfied smile, he then asked "Is it really you" his voice shaky again, the boy pulled Jackson in for a kiss, then said "Yup, it's me" with a grin forming on his lips. 

~

They got two weeks off from the company, you know since meeting your soulmate was kind of a big deal, so they decided to use it to get to know each other better. They were given a hotel room that was payed for by the company.  
They wanted to take it slow, well at least Jackson did, Mark was ready to jump him the night in the bathroom, but he didn't want Jackson to dislike it, or feel forced so he agreed to take it slow. For seven days all they did was talk, about their past, about what they liked and disliked, about how they got to where they are, they also talked about their families, their friends, they met each other’s families over skype, they were accepting of it since same sex relationships happened a lot, you couldn’t exactly choose the gender of your soulmate so no one really questioned it. 

As more days passed, Mark felt restless, he wanted to kiss Jackson, hold his hand, and much more, he wanted to officially make Jackson his, he wanted to become Jackson's, he wanted to hold Jackson, touch him everywhere, kiss him everywhere, leave kiss marks to let everyone know he already had his soulmate. He felt jealous and needy and he was disgusted with himself for feeling that way when Jackson gave him no reason to be insecure. Mark knew Jackson cared for him, he would always snuggle up with him while sleeping, he wouldn't get up from bed before Mark woke up so he wouldn't wake him, he would always hug him, sit insanely close to Mark whenever he could, make him all his favorite food, watch all his favorite movies, listen to the music Mark likes, all to get to know him better, because he cares, he wants to know him, however, Mark was greedy and he knew that. 

~

So, one evening, when they returned from their date, Mark pushed Jackson to the wall, put his hands on his waist and said with pleading eyes "Can I kiss you Jackson, please?" it's not like Jackson didn't want to kiss, he's been enduring it too, holding back, he was expecting Mark to lose his cool on the first few days, Jackson wanted to kiss Mark a lot too, but he felt stupid to initiate since he was the one who suggested to take it slow in the first place, so Jackson just evaded Marks gaze as he gave off a small nod, then he felt Marks fingers on his chin as the older boy pulled his head forward and placed his lips on Jackson's.  
The kiss was messy and hurried since neither of them could wait, but as it lasted longer it slowly got into rhythm, until Mark slipped his tongue into Jackson’s mouth which made Jackson gasp in pleasure and surprise. Mark just gripped Jackson’s waist and pulled him closer, their body heat mixing as the kiss got deeper due to Mark now pulling Jackson's head towards himself. They slowly made their way to the bedroom, almost breaking a few things along the way since they didn’t want to let go of each other, to let go of the closeness they both wished for. 

When they got to the bedroom, Mark pushed Jackson on the bed, before getting on top of him he licked his lower lip which made Jackson restless, he wanted Mark closer, close as he was before. Mark started planting wet kisses on Jackson’s neck, landing small bites here and there along the way, he tugged at Jackson’s shirt, and when he took it off, he placed another kiss on Jackson’s lips. This one was nothing like the previous one, it wasn’t hurried, it was full of passion and want and it left Jackson speechless. They were both out of breath by the time Mark removed his shirt, now Jackson could feel Marks heartbeat directly on his skin. He pulled him into a hug and said with a grin _“I’m so happy”_. Mark gave Jackson one more passionate kiss as he rubbed into him which made a satisfied groan escape Jackson's lips. Mark just smirked at Jackson, like he accomplished what he wanted to. Mark then continued to kiss Jackson’s neck, slowly leaving kiss marks on it before he started to find his way to Jackson’s pants with his tongue. As Mark undressed both of them, Jackson just looked at him, impatient. 

When Mark was finished undressing, he started kissing Jackson’s stomach, then his thighs, then placing small kisses along Jackson’s length. He then gripped them together and started moving his hands, when Jackson groaned in pleasure, and both of their cheeks were flushed with that same feeling, Mark leaned into another kiss, never stopping his hand. They broke the kiss when Jackson couldn’t hold in the moan any longer, but Mark didn’t put space between them, their breaths continuing to mix. Mark was looking Jackson straight into his eyes as he was whispering his name and repeating _I love you, I love you so much_ , they climaxed with a kiss and whispers of each other’s names said on each other’s lips.

Mark refused to go all the way that evening, he said they should wait for that, no matter how much both of them wanted it, just because they’re soulmates doesn’t mean they need to rush everything. He then kissed Jackson’s forehead and moved them to the shower to clean up, even though they ended up making out and jerking off a few more times in the shower all on Jackson’s initiative. Jackson knew Mark was weak to him, so he used that to its maximum during the shower.

When they were done, they went back to the bed, Jackson snuggled into Mark, still thinking how close they were and how he never wants them to part. Mark gripped his hold on Jackson as he placed a kiss on his hair and mumbled a _goodnight_. 

~

It wasn’t until morning when Jackson was met by Marks smile the second he woke up, that this thought crossed his mind, he realized, he’s incredibly happy, satisfied, and that he has everything he’s ever wished for. That Mark has given him everything he’s ever wished for. He felt silly for thinking he wouldn’t be able to tell who his soulmate was when he was young, it was so obvious, it’s simply the person that takes your breath away the second you see them, the person your heart skips a beat for the second you hear their voice, the person you can’t go a day without thinking about. And he’s happy he’s found his, and he’s happy that it’s Mark.  
And he knew his mother was right, you just _know_. 

“I love you” is the first thing Jackson said to Mark that morning, he obviously caught the older boy by surprise since his cheeks flushed and he gave a small, shy smile before Jackson placed a good morning kiss on his lips. “I love you too” Mark said pulling Jackson into a hug “Shall we continue where we left off last night?” the boy said with a smirk, probably to get back at Jackson for the surprise attack. 

~

 **A few years later**  
They’re both idols now, in the same group, and they couldn’t be happier. Their dreams were achieved the same day, they helped each other achieve their goals, and they can spend every waking minute together. They couldn’t possibly ask for more. They still go on dates, they still kiss, they still share a room, and they still sleep together. And every time Mark holds Jackson, takes his hand, places a kiss or even says his name, Jackson can’t stop the small flutter his heart makes.  
He’s happy to have found Mark, to have met him, to have gotten to know him. And his love for Mark never seems to fade but rather keeps getting stronger with every breath he takes. 

_They’re happy and they’re in love, and Jackson knows they'll stay that way forever_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! ^^


End file.
